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 HOME1/9/2006 
It's Quiet Out There...Too Quiet...Time For Some Hades-Raising!

Sunday, April 25, 2004

Rumors have it that Democratic Party of Georgia chief Bobby Kahn will be hedging his bets this week and plunking money down to qualify as a presidential elector for the Republican Party.

Kahn was overheard bemoaning the fact that all of his candidates for U.S. Senate are either complete morons or completely out of their minds. Says Kahn, "Hell, everyone else is becoming a Republican, so I might as well cover my bases this year..."

PV Reveals The Secret Process: If you can answer these questions, then YOU can qualify as a presidential elector for the reelection of President George W. Bush:

1) Are you breathing?
2) Are you a resident of Georgia?
3) Have you kissed the proper number of asses in the GOP power structure? (Be prepared to demonstrate your personal technique to the various owners of said asses who will take your qualifying fee..."brownie" points are always good.)
4) AND, finally, can you afford the $3.50 qualifying fee?

Qualifying for the various 2004 political offices starts tomorrow, April 26. The office of presidential elector pays $50, but if you somehow obtain a coveted spot as an elector (it's a lot like getting a gold pass to Willy-Wonka's Chocolate Factory), it gets your name on the November ballot.

So, here's what you must really do to join the ranks of the candidates for both public office AND presidential electors (besides just kissing ass)...

"Republican Candidate qualifying will be held April 26-30, 2004 at the State Capitol. Due to changes in State law and in the procedures used by the Georgia Republican Party, it is vital that you follow these guidelines in order to be qualified to run:

1. You MUST bring a cashier’s check, made out to the “Georgia Republican Party.” NO personal, campaign checks or cash will be accepted this year. Note that the fee can be paid out of your campaign account, but only with a cashier’s check. Please refer to the attached fee schedule for the amount of your qualifying fee.

2. You or an appointed agent (if you select an appointed agent to come on your behalf, please notify Paul Bennecke at 404-257-5559 prior to qualifying) must come in person to qualify. If you do not come in person to qualify, the agent must bring the proper qualification forms, signed, notarized, and completely accurate. Should the forms not be accurate or signed, then the candidate will not be qualified. Candidates must qualify in person the election year after a U.S. Census, so once again, you are not required to qualify in person, but you must have all forms and requirements fulfilled and delivered by an appointed agent.

3. All qualifying will take place in the State Capitol, not at the party headquarters. This is in accordance with state law.

4. Qualifying begins at 9:00am on Monday, April 26 and ends at NOON on Friday, April 30. On Friday, there will be an official present from the Secretary of State’s office to monitor both the Republican and the Democratic lines. That official will call the line closed at NOON. If you are not in line at that point, you will not be permitted to qualify. NO EXCEPTIONS! Therefore, in order to avoid any last minute problems, please make every effort to qualify before Friday.

5. Republican qualifying will be in the Senate chamber of the state capitol throughout the whole process.

6. The Qualifying process itself has changed as well. IT IS NO LONGER NECESSARY TO COMPLETE A FORM IN ADVANCE. When you arrive at the Capitol to qualify, all information will be collected from you electronically and a sheet will then be printed out for you to sign. At the bottom of this memo, you will find a list of all the information you will need in order to qualify. If you come to the Capitol prepared with this information, the process will be quick, easy, and efficient.

7. Make sure your precinct has not changed. Many counties are redrawing precincts and this must be specified on the qualifying form.

8. Bring your cashier’s check with you to qualify. The party will not accept any qualification that is not accompanied by payment.

9. If you have any questions at all, please call Paul Bennecke at 404-257-5559. It is essential that we have all issues worked out prior to the start of qualifying to ensure everything will run as smoothly as possible.

Please come prepared with the following information:

· Full Name
· How your name is to appear on the ballot
· Residence Address
· Precinct Name (as it appears on your voter card)
· Profession
· Number of years you have resided in Georgia
· Number of years you have lived in your county
· Number of years you have lived in your district

In addition, if you wish to designate an email address and/or a P.O. Box address or separate address for public posting on the state website, please have that information ready.

QUALIFYING FEES FOR FEDERAL AND STATE CANDIDATES FOR 2004 ELECTIONS

Office......Salary......Qualifying Fee
Presidential Elector.....$50.00... 3% - $1.50
United States Senator.....$154,700.00... 3% - $4,641.00
United States Representative...$154,700.00.... 3% - $4,641.00
Public Service Commissioner....$106,130.00.... 3% - $3,183.90
State Senator............$400.00
State Representative.....$400.00
Justice of Supreme Court....$153,086.00.... 3% - $4,592.58
Judge of the Court of Appeals....$152,139.00... 3% - $4,564.17
Judge of Superior Court...$109,645.00... 3% - $3,289.35
District Attorney.....$97,326.00.... 3% - $2,919.78

PLEASE REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE REQUIRED TO PAY YOUR QUALIFYING FEE WITH A CASHIER’S CHECK MADE OUT TO THE GEORGIA REPUBLICAN PARTY. NO EXCEPTIONS WILL BE MADE!

PV Notes To The State GOP: Hey, if the Mouse That Roars (i.e., little bobby kahn) happens to show-up at the Senate door, please allow him to get to the front of the line, compliments of the Political Vine's recruiting efforts.


Don't Forget About The U.S. Senate Rumble In Gwinnett County on May 1st

Gwinnett County, GA - The Republican Party of Gwinnett County will be hosting a United States Senate Republican Primary Debate on Saturday, May 1, 2004 at the Gwinnett Civic and Cultural Center (Address: 6400 Sugarloaf Parkway in Duluth, Georgia 30097). Doors will open at 6:00 PM, and the debate will begin at 6:30 PM.

Dick Williams, host of television’s The Georgia Gang, will moderate the event. All four of the Republican candidates are confirmed to participate, including alphabetically: businessman Al Bartell, former Godfather’s Pizza CEO Herman Cain, Congressman Mac Collins, and Congressman Johnny Isakson.

Admission to the debate portion of the evening is free, but seating is limited, so those interested in bringing large groups may contact Julianne Thompson at 404-798-4663 to discuss reserved seating.

Following the debate, a reception will be held at Gwinnett Center, with the candidates and Mr. Williams attending as special guests. Tickets for the reception are $50 per person. Those interested in purchasing tickets to the reception may also contact Julianne Thompson at 404-798-4663 or Julianne.
Speaking Of The Republican Primary U.S. Senate Debate

Rumors have it that senatorial candidate Mac Collins will qualify this week, but, in his own mind, he will be qualifying for the gubernatorial primary in 2006 to oppose Governor Perdue.

Collins, facing reality that his poll numbers are somewhere near the level of radon gas under a well-poured concrete slab, has told insiders that he expects to lose his bid for Senate, but will run in order to promote his name recognition for a 2006 challenge to Perdue.

The genesis for Collins' thought process is believed to be none other than, both our friend and yours, the Kook from Cobb County, Marilyn Gilhuly. Gilhuly (and, her rag-tag band of fellow "ignorant-and-proud-of-it" flaggots) is still POed that Sonny did not veto the bills passed out of the legislature that specifically excluded a vote on the St. Andrews Cross state flag.

Collins will run for Senate, get lots of name recognition by acting as a tackling dummy against Johnny Isakson, lose in July, accept his loss graciously, and then bubble back-up to the forefront in 2005 to launch a campaign against Sonny Perdue.

PV Observes: Did y'all see the movie "Other People's Money?" Really now, running for office with other people's money is similar.

You can be as responsible or as irresponsible as you want with the campaign funds people contribute to you. The vast majority will never check, and just accept outcomes, good or bad, as they happen.

Collins must have the same type of conscience as the character Danny DeVito played in the movie. This must be his thought process: "These people have contributed to me in good faith because they believe I am the best candidate for U.S. Senate. Though I know I will get my butt creamed in the 2004 primary, I am going to continue to use their funds to get practice for a statewide race in the near future."

Yeah, this is the kind of intellect we want to see in either a position in the U.S. Senate OR as governor of Georgia. Someone who would presume to believe that his senate contributors would be okay with him using their funds now to build his name recognition for a race against Perdue in 2006. (NOT!)
Introducing GOP Candidate for Public Office

COBB COUNTY - Larry Ceminsky is running for State House District 38 and needs your help! District 38, recently redrawn by Federal Judges, includes the Marietta Square, South and Northeast Marietta as well as the area considered ”Old Marietta."

Freshman democrat, Pat Dooley, currently represents the 38th. Because of the changing demographics in this newly redrawn district, the republican candidate will be heavily favored in the November General Election and is most likely to represent the people of Marietta in the new legislative session next year.

Unlike his republican primary opponent, Marietta tax attorney Steve Tumlin, Larry believes in being very involved in a grass-roots campaign. Larry believes the people who can best help him represent Marietta are those who know him best: his friends--not high-priced political consultants and paid employees. It is this strong desire and belief in campaigning with a focus on people that drives Larry to seek first the support of his friends and colleagues.

Please join us, and the many friends Larry has gotten to know in his numerous years as a community volunteer and activist, as we work to elect one of our friends! Pass the word along to your friends and join Larry as he kicks off his campaign and introduces the Larry C for Marietta campaign staff who will show you how you can make a difference while learning how much fun a grass-roots campaign can be!

Save the Date: Wednesday, April 28 at 8.30pm at McCracken’s Pub as we begin the journey to better government!
Kell for Senate 32 Kickoff Party

The Tain Kell for State Senate District 32 Kick-Off event will be held Sunday, May 16, at Houck's Restaurant in East Cobb from 4 p.m. until 6 p.m. For more information, please call 678-988-8171.
Nyuck-Nyuck Time

STATE MOTTOES

Alabama: Yes, we have electricity
Arizona: But It's a Dry Heat
Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing
California: As Seen on TV
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less character.
Delaware: We Really Do Like the Chemicals in our Water
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia: We Put the "Fun" in Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tike Mow Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
Idaho: Potatoes and Neo-Nazi's... What More Could You Ask For?
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: Where Science Don't Mean Crap!
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign.
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland: A Thinking Man's Delaware
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's For Most Tax Brackets)
Michigan: First Line of Defense From the Canadians
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes and 10,000,000,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
Mississippi: Come...and Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work
Montana: Land of the Big Sky, the Unibomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Very Little Else
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada: Whores and Poker!
New Hampshire: Go Away and Leave Us Alone
New Jersey: You Want a F@#$n Motto? I Got Yer F@#$n Motto Right Here!
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York: The Welfare State
North Carolina: Tobacco is a Vegetable
North Dakota: We Really are One of the 50 States!
Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
Oklahoma: Like the Play, only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina: Remember the Civil War? We DIDN'T actually surrender!
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I speak English)
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont: Yep
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds and Slackers!
Washington, DC: Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family...Really we are!
Wisconsin: Come Cut Our Cheese
Wyoming: Where men are men and sheep are scared!

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