Who Reads The Vine?
Whether you are a newcomer or a longtime subscriber to our publications, you might be interested in knowing some rather interesting visitor stats on our cyber publication. These are the average weekly hit statistics taken from our WebTrends site data over 8 weeks of publishing:
| Region | Hit Count |
|---|
| North America | 4,589 |
Region Unspecified | 832 |
| Asia | 16 |
| Western Europe | 13 |
| Western Africa | 11 |
| Northern Europe | 3 |
| Australia | 3 |
| Pacific Islands | 3 |
| Middle East | 1 |
The Top 10 hits by U.S. states are:
| State | Hit Count |
|---|
| Georgia | 1,434 |
| Virginia | 598 |
| California | 306 |
| New Jersey | 113 |
| Wash. D. C. | 76 |
| Florida | 60 |
| Colorado | 57 |
| Texas | 49 |
| Arkansas | 44 |
| Tennessee | 43 |
The Top 10 hits by Most Active Countries are:
| Country | Hit Count |
|---|
| United States | 4,583 |
| Christmas Island | 12 |
| Cameroon | 11 |
| Canada | 6 |
| Europe | 5 |
| Samoa | 3 |
| Australia | 3 |
| United Kingdom | 3 |
| Sweden | 3 |
| Belgium | 2 |
In addition to the geographical "reach" of our humble publication from the above list of states and countries, we have regular visits each week from these countries: Japan, Taiwan, Norway, Italy, Thailand, Singapore...and now, Kuwait.
Now, we're not going to suck in our guts and swagger around chanting "We bad! We bad! Uh-huh!" because we're pretty sure that some of the folks who are tapped into the Vine via these "fur-en" ISPs are just longtime subscribers who are traveling abroad and took their laptop with them. But, some of them are also likely to be residents of these countries who are either intrigued with American politics, or just so bored with events in their own country that our stuff looks downright exciting.
From our Website visitor analysis, we know approximately 90% of our site traffic is generated from North American subscribers. With a looming war on tap in the Middle East, we become more focused on the 10% "elsewhere" subscribers. What are they thinking about the U.S.? As we muddle through inane political battles in this state, we realize that we should consider a much BIGGER picture for what the role of the Political Vine should be in the world's political view of things.
There are people all across Georgia and the U.S. who are very pro-America and pro-Iraqi disarmament. And, if it means war is necessary to disarm Saddam, 70% of Americans are for military action to accomplish that goal. Until this Saturday afternoon, when 25,000 gathered at
Centennial Olympic Park in downtown Atlanta for a pro-America rally, most of the "national news" (sic) has spent its time on all of the "anti-war" demonstrators and stupid comments from the likes of the
Dixie Chicks and
Martin Sheen. That's going to change and we hope to help in that effort with the Vine.
We wish to publish any and all letters that send support, news, and best wishes to our troops in the Middle East and wherever they have been placed in harm's way . We have set-up a special e-mail address called
TroopLetters@aol.com. We hope to collect enough letters to send out a weekly special edition called "Troop Letters" that contains all of this correspondence for our national subscribers to read, but primarily to send word to the international community that America doesn't exist how CNN and ABC paints us. We are a strong and proud nation and we have no problem expressing our love of our country and our president,
George W. Bush.
To give you one example of a letter, the following letter was e-mailed to the
Atlanta Journal & Constitution for publication, but we never saw it printed:
"I'm angered by war protesters who say 'the only people who want the U.S. to attack Iraq are those who have nothing to lose.' I have a son in the Persian Gulf right now but I know we must attack immediately or suffer consequences most Americans can't imagine. I also know my son will do his duty. Like many other fathers, I realize my son could be killed defending our country against terrorism
so don't tell me I have nothing to lose.
My son is one of the very best men I've ever known. I love my son, of course, but, more than that, I respect him for his courage, his sense of responsibility, honor and duty, and his willingness to risk his life doing whatever he must to defend America, our way of life, and our freedom, especially freedom from fear.
Put down your signs and salute him."
Gordon Curtis
Atlanta, GAGordon, we're saluting your son and you and are damn proud to call you a Friend of The Vine.
Folks, start sending those letters, and maybe that lone visitor from Kuwait will be able to communicate some of our letters direct to the troops. Thank you!
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HOAX Alert!Someone has been sending around a set of eight supposed time-sequenced pictures from the Columbia shuttle disaster, claiming the shots were taken from an "Israeli satellite." We've received word from NASA in Houston that the pictures are faked and they believe the source of the pictures are from the movie
Armageddon.
Ray's On The River Tells The French To Sit On It And RotateThis Monday at 2:30 PM,
Ray's On The River Seafood House (located near 285 and Powers Ferry Landing in north Atlanta) will pour bottles of all of its French wine straight into the Chattahoochee River in a demonstration of support for America and disappointment with France's government.
John Ellis, one of five owners of the restaurant said he wasn't sure how much money the wine will cost the restaurant, but said "We feel doing the right thing is more important than money. We also won't be replenishing other French products like cognacs, courvoisiers or Grey Goose vodka."
Restaurant manager
Brian Housley said that Ray's will also be changing its menu choices. "French onion soup will now just be onion soup and french fries will just be called fries."
PV Can't Resist: Well, now trout fishermen in the Hooch' won't have to worry about what wine to serve with their catch of the day; the fish will be pickled in French wine!
Travel Advisory For Americans Visiting FranceThe following advisory for American travelers heading for France was compiled from information provided by the U.S. State Department, the Central Intelligence Agency, the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, the Food and Drug Administration, the Center for Disease Control and some very expensive spy satellites that the French don't know about. It is intended as a guide for American travelers only and no guarantee of accuracy is ensured or intended.
General Overview: France is a medium-sized foreign country situated on the continent of Europe, and is for all intents and purposes, totally useless. It is an important member of the world community, although not nearly as important as it thinks. It is bounded by Germany, Spain, Switzerland and some smaller nations of no particular consequence or shopping opportunities. France is a very old country with many treasures such as the Louvre and EuroDisney. Among its contributions to Western civilization are champagne, Camembert cheese, the guillotine, and body odor. Although France likes to think of itself as a modern nation, air conditioning is little used and it is next to impossible to get decent Mexican food. One continuing exasperation for American visitors is that the people will-fully persist in speaking French, although many will speak English if shouted at repeatedly.
The People: France has a population of 54 million people, most of whom drink and smoke a great deal, drive like lunatics, are dangerously over-sexed and have no concept of standing patiently in a line. The French people are generally gloomy, temperamental, proud, arrogant, aloof and undisciplined and those are their good points. Most French citizens are Roman Catholic, although you'd hardly guess it from their behavior. Many people are Communists and topless sunbathing is common. Men sometimes have girls' names like Marie and they kiss each other when they hand out medals. American travelers are advised to travel in groups and to wear baseball caps and colorful pants for easier mutual recognition. All French women have small breasts, and don't shave their armpits or their legs.
Safety: In general, France is a safe destination, although travelers are advised that France is occasionally invaded by Germany. By tradition, the French surrender more or less at once and, apart from a temporary shortage of Scotch whisky and increased difficulty in getting baseball scores and stock market prices, life for the visitors generally goes on much as before. A tunnel connecting France to Britain beneath the English Channel has been opened in recent years to make it easier for the French government to flee to London.
History: France was discovered by Charlemagne in the Dark Ages. Other important historical figures are Louis XIV, the Huguenots, Joan of Arc, Jacques Cousteau and Charles de Gaulle, who was President for many years and is now an airport. The French armies of the past have had their asses kicked by just about every other country in the world.
Government: The French form of government is democratic but noisy. Elections are held more or less continuously and always result in a run-off. For administrative purposes, the country is divided into regions, departments, districts, municipalities, cantons, communes, villages, cafes, booths and floor tiles. Parliament consists of two chambers, the Upper and Lower (although, confusingly, they are both on the ground floor), whose members are either Gaullists or communists, neither of whom can be trusted. Parliament's principal pre occupations are setting off atomic bombs in the South Pacific and acting indignant when anyone complains. According to the most current State Department intelligence, the current President is someone named Jacques. Further information is not available at this time.
Culture: The French pride themselves on their culture, although it is not easy to see why. All of their songs sound the same and they have hardly ever made a movie that you want to watch for anything except the nude scenes. Nothing, of course, is more boring than a French novel (except perhaps an evening with a French family.)
Cuisine: Let's face it, no matter how much garlic you put on it, a snail is just a slug with a shell on its back. Croissants, on the other hand, are excellent although it is impossible for most Americans to pronounce this word. American travelers are therefore advised to stick to cheeseburgers at McDonald's or the restaurants at the leading hotels such as Sheraton or Holiday Inn. Bring your own beer, as the domestic varieties are nothing but a poor excuse for such.
Economy: France has a large and diversified economy, second only to Germany's economy in Europe, which is surprising since people hardly ever work at all. If they are not spending four hours dawdling over lunch, they are on strike and blocking the roads with their trucks and tractors. France's principal exports, in order of importance to the economy, are wine, nuclear weapons, perfume, guided missiles, champagne, high-caliber weaponry, grenade launchers, land mines, tanks, attack aircraft, miscellaneous armaments and cheese.
Conclusion: France enjoys a rich history, a picturesque and varied landscape and a temperate climate. In short, it would be a very nice country if French people didn't inhabit it, and it weren't still radioactive from all the nuclear tests they run. The best thing that can be said for it is that it is not Spain. Remember no one ordered you to go abroad. Personally, we always take our vacation in Miami Beach and you are advised to do the same.
Oh...one closing note...we will still be covering all of the petty political events of lil' ole Jawja, so fear not. The Vine still knows our primary duty is service and entertainment to you! :-)