The PV recently advertised a need for more female writers. Topics could include children, shopping, politics, etc. While I would love to regale you with endless, adorable stories of my child Poakey (he’s a cat, not a human), or the large amount of money I spent at the Ann Taylor summer clearance sale last week (goodbye tuition money), I think I will instead shed light on the news stories from the past week that torqued-me off:
1. Courtesy of cnn.com under the Offbeat section. It seems a male prisoner in New York wishes to become a female prisoner through surgery and wants the state to foot the $500,000 bill. While I have no personal bone to pick regarding the surgery, who does this yahoo think he is that he deserves to have this paid for? His argument? He hasn’t been medically treated for his ‘condition’ for the past three years and a judge seems to agree saying the prison officials should allow Jessica Lewis (real name Mark Brooks) to explore her...err, his options. Do it on your own dime buddy! Or should I say Girlfriend?
2. Courtesy of cnn.com under Countries We’d Like to Isolate from the Rest of the World-I’m kidding! The French (need I go any further?) have decided to eliminate the word ‘email’ from their lexicon. They are instead replacing the offending term with ‘courriel’, which is a combination of ‘courrier electronique’, which means electronic mail, AKA email. The Academie Francaise, who works to keep ugly Yankee words out of their pretty language, is behind the decision. I hope they consulted with former Veep Gore before they took this radical move, as the Father of the Internet might not like someone monkeying around with it. Oui?
3. Weapons of Mass Destruction. Did anybody really think that was the sole reason we went into Iraq? If so, please go stick your head back in the sand where it was safely lodged away from the rest of us. Our men and women went in there to remove a very scary man and his two psycho sons and were successful. Perhaps those who call Bush and his advisors liars should be thankful we don’t have Baghdad Bob (go to WeLoveTheIraquiInformationMinister.com for some of his best misquotes) doing press conferences.
4. People who sue the restaurants they eat at regularly. “Oh no honey, I’m SURE McDonald’s can be held responsible for my eating the Double Quarter-Pounder meal super-sized with a large Blizzard every day for the last 10 years. How was I to know it was bad for me?” We need tort reform and a public flogging forum for people who bring supercilious lawsuits that waste time and money.
There were of course more irritating stories out there, but I thought these were the best. In order to inject more estrogen in this diatribe and remind you I am a female writer, I am having a very bad hair day and I broke a nail which throws my whole manicure off.
PV Sez: Holy Hormones, Batman! Looks like Kelli has the RIGHT idea for a Vine column...
| Kelli Cook - "Don't Get Your Panties in A Wad" The author, whose wit is sought after for dinner parties and social gatherings, has been approached numerous times by the Swedish Bikini Team to join them but cannot fit this extra activity into her already busy schedule of rescuing orphans from burning buildings, finding the cure for the common cold, and writing for the Political Vine. |