Wow! Who would have ever thought I would put my Journalism degree to use? Certainly not my father who paid for it. In the immortal words of Sally Field, "You like me, you really like me!" OW! My head, it won't fit in my cube! I'm like the blueberry girl in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory!

Here are the stories this past week that bunched my panties:

Kobe Bryant, AKA Dumbass Winner of the Week

Kobe, the most prominent of the good guys in the NBA, hawker of Nike, Sprite, Nutella (really, I’m not kidding!), finally admitted to adultery after being indicted by Colorado authorities. The girl who had sex with him claims it wasn’t consensual and that he raped her. My favorite part of this debacle is the press conference Kobe had after the indictment where Mr. Chivalrous doted on his wife as he led her onto the dais and then tearfully asked for forgiveness. Perhaps Kobe should speak with David Robinson or Tim Duncan on how to be a role model.

Update: Apparently, Mrs. Bryant’s price of forgiveness is a $4 million, flawless, purple diamond ring they picked up this week from a Santa Monica jeweler. I need to start dating NBA players…

Bob Barr The Lawyer

It almost sounds like a children’s show doesn’t it? Bob the Builder is a cute, cuddly little cartoon man; maybe Bob the Lawyer could cultivate a cute, cuddly little cartoon (yes, I know, some of you think he already is a cartoon) image. I mean, come on, doesn’t defending a far right, neo-Nazi named Chester Doles want to make you run out and buy the Bob-the-Lawyer doll? (I hear he comes with briefcase and antique pistol.)

Doles was arrested due to the fact that he had 13 guns on his property, which in and of itself is not a crime, but the fact that Doles is a felon, well that makes it a bit less legal. What was Doles’ felonious deed? He beat a black, male motorist who was riding with a white female. While I don’t advocate Doles not having a defense attorney (everyone deserves a defense attorney), someone who probably harbors desires to return to public office should probably rethink this client. Unless he's considering running for office in Montana, in which case he'll need to convince all the Freedom Fighters that registering to vote is really quite safe. Well, unless you’re wanted by a major government agency.

Hmmm, maybe Barr could call Cleland and discuss teaching; I hear Bob Jones U. is looking for professors...

Gennifer Flowers’ Extended 15 Minutes of Fame

If I ever wanted to visit www.deathclock.com, it would be to find out when her 15 minutes will expire. It seems Gennifer, who is married but has yet to change her name (it would be harder for the reporters to find her I guess), has gotten a judge to allow her to reopen her defamation case against Sen. Hillary Clinton, George Stephanopolous and James Carville.

Now while I’m no Clinton lover, unlike too many women who find his Ted Kennedy ruddiness, tacky pompadour and Southern drawl sexy, I think this is one of those frivolous lawsuits I suggested the public floggings for. First, it’s been 10 years. No one should have to defend themselves against this kind of lawsuit for this amount of time.

Second, her life and credibility were destroyed the moment she spackled on her makeup, teased her hair to heights even NASA can’t explain and invested in those incredible looking suits. Third, her lawyer, Larry Klayman of Judicial Watch (or, as I like to refer to it after reading the website, www.ihateclintonwithapassionunmatchedbyevenKennethStarr.com) is begging for money as this case will cost upwards of $265,000. (Tacky, I think I see a pattern emerging.)

Of all the things Larry Klayman could be using his lawyerly talents for, is this the best use? I could think of many cases regarding battered women or children whose parents are unfit to own a pet rock but continually receive custody of their children. So in closing, I ask, no I beg, please Gennifer, go back to your restaurant where you are the featured talent, find your pride, a little bit of decency and quit torturing all of us with your continued news stories.

Well kids, those were the top three Victoria's Secret bunching stories of the week. And just to remind you that I am a female writer, I went to my new favorite hairstylist Saturday and had Hair Day. Hair Day is a great day, an expensive day, but a great day. The day is all about YOU! Someone washes your hair for you, then they style it for you and in the process they put in the yummy smelling products. My stylist had a migraine and still made me beautiful. I know, it's hard to improve upon perfection, but she did it.

If you are new to the area or don’t currently have a stylist, reply back and I’ll send you her name. Guys, she gives great head massages. Scalp massages! Get your mind out of the gutter!