Cows stink. Horses stink. Chickens stink. Fish stink. Goats and sheep stink. Dogs and cats stink. Babies stink. Some people stink, and yes (believe it or not)...hogs stink. Now that we have this natural occurring phenomenon broken down into understandable terms, I would like to "air" my thoughts on Darlington County’s (South Carolina) attempt to circumvent state law by proposing even stricter environmental standards than what DHEC has proposed (which is one of the strictest in the nation by the way.)

Fueled by a few vocal environmentalists who have no clue as to where beef, pork and poultry products come from, Darlington County has created a "stink" so to speak in the name of "Home Rule." At issue is bill H. 3555, which is making its way through the SC House of Representatives, which says in a nutshell "Farmers have a right to farm." I thought the right to farm was a "given" without gaining the permission of any governmental body but in this bizarre world of environmental activism and political correctness in which we find ourselves, maybe there is the need for state government to give us its blessing on such matters.

Rep. Jay Lucas, R–Hartsville, has blasted this newest bill as an "all–out assault on Home Rule. If a bill like this can get through our process, the next step is to abolish municipal and county government." Well, Rep. Lucas, we can only hope. That would still leave state and federal government to regulate our lives in ways that are unimaginable. The "feel good" legislation that Darlington County has proposed usurps South Carolina’s authority to regulate and protect ALL of it citizens which last I checked, included Darlington residents. As an example, if Darlington County decided that it would vote to legalize drugs and the state legislature said "No Way," would the State then be committing an "all-out assault on Home Rule?" Of course not.

"Rep. Doug Jennings, D–Marlboro, branded the new bill as another effort by the hog industry to spread its tentacles across the Pee Dee, an area that is already struggling economically" quotes the Hartsville Messenger. Tentacles? I envision a gigantic octopus like creature (complete with snout and ears) making land at North Myrtle Beach and crawling slowly into the Pee Dee inflicting destruction to our area the likes of which have not been seen since Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Oh Puuuulease! I would ask Rep. Jennings… What if Marlboro County Council voted to legalize prostitution and the state legislature again said "Nope." Would that be an all-out assault on Home Rule? Rep. Jennings also cites Marlboro County’s struggling economy but would Rep. Jennings prefer all his constituents to be on welfare? Don’t answer that….

The king of conspiracy theories regarding livestock operations has got to be none other than our own Sen. Elliott D-Horry who made the profound and well thought out statement some time ago equating hog waste with nuclear waste. That being the case, why is the United States of America spending billions of dollars on weapons systems for the war on terror when all they have to do is send a tanker from Ft. Bragg to my farm once a week to fill up with lethal manure. The manure could be hauled back to Bragg (under armed escort of course) where it would be loaded into C-17’s or B-52’s. We could then bomb the terrorists back to the Stone Age and the best part is the manure bombs would cost the federal government only a few "scents." I can see the neon green glow over Afghanistan as I write.

Critics say that livestock operations produce few jobs but my question is "Compared to what? No jobs?" What if the Dillon County Council voted to eliminate welfare payments (we can all dream, can’t we) and the legislature overrode this decision with a resounding "No." Would that be an all-out assault on Home Rule? Hardly. The State of South Carolina has in its wisdom passed written laws designed to protect us from illegal drugs, prostitution and denying welfare payments to those in need. Can a law protecting a farmer be that bad? Apparently, to some of our liberal legislators with ties to environmentalists, yes it can. Who then can farmers (who’s trivial job consists of feeding every man, woman and child in this country) turn to? Certainly not these three gentlemen.

I would ask the above politicos (who have the remarkable ability to rule from Columbia and their own neighborhoods simultaneously) that now is the time to get off the proverbial fence and take a stand. Now is the time to show your mettle. Step up to the plate and demonstrate to all of your constituents the courage of your convictions. Show the voters back home that you are ready to fight these Osama Bin Farmers and their deadly byproducts. Take a pledge today that you "Will not attend any political fundraisers where beef, chicken or pork is being served." Do it for your constituents. Do it for "The Children." Do it for the cows, pigs and chickens in your district. Do it for PETA. The security of South Carolina hangs in the balance. Somehow, I think this will happen when turkeys talk and pigs fly.

Another great question for this bunch is: If you are so opposed to livestock farming, what is your solution to providing the American people in general and South Carolinians in particular with a safe, plentiful, economical supply of meat and meat byproducts? I have been trying to get a satisfactory answer to this one for years with no luck.

When I sit down to a Sunday pot roast dinner, there had better be a roast in the pot and not just potatoes and carrots. When I go to a chicken bog, at a minimum, the dish should include chicken. When I go to a BBQ, the main course had better be a pig. Tofu burgers, spaghetti and soyballs, and cabbage cacciatore somehow doesn’t cut it for me. My message folks is to stop for a minute and think about where your food comes from. Think about going for two or three days without food and then we will again revisit the livestock issue. I could stand in front of the Florence City/County complex and ask a random selection of citizens "Where does your food come from?" Their answer would be "The Winn Dixie," which demonstrates just how out of touch with reality some of us have become where farming is concerned.

I will probably get some flak from this week’s column but the beauty of owning your own internet news site is that you get to say what you dang well please without some liberal editor chopping your story to pieces or worse, canning it altogether. Had I submitted an article condemning livestock operations, it would have been published statewide but it is not my nature to compromise my principles to get free ink from any media outlet. I happen to think that nerve agents, botulism, cyanide, anthrax, and mustard gas pose more of a threat to our society when inhaled than the occasional whiff of a natural product produced by animals that God put on this earth. My friend Tom Kinard at WJMX has said on occasion that "If you don’t like what I’m saying, then turn the radio off." Likewise, if you don’t like reading what The Carolina Conservative is writing, then I am only one click away from oblivion and you are driving the mouse. Happy Trails.