I believe I speak for a lot of non-Atlantans when I say "When Hell freezes over" to your request for sewer bailout help from Georgia and federal taxpayers.

You folks can try to claim that you've just inherited problems from previous administrations, but that's not exactly true, is it? You were ALL an integral part of the process in one way or another with the operation of Atlanta city government. Whether you supported the administrations of the likes of Maynard Jackson, Andy Young, or Mr. Bill "As-long-as-their-skin-color-is-black,-I-don't-care-whether-they-are-qualified-to-do-the-work,-award-them-the-contract!" Campbell, you are all responsible for your problems now, not us.

But, just so you won't think me too mean or something, allow me to detail the history of absolute FUBAR by Atlanta government officials:

1) Beginning in 1990, through today, the City of Atlanta has had to pay approximately $24 million in fines to the EPA and EPD for...what problem?...c'mon...it's on the tip of your tongue...the SEWER SYSTEM problem. Nothing like a little raw sewage discharge into the Chattahoochee River, eh?

And, your mayoral heroes, Maynard Jackson and Bill Campbell, both completely ignored this problem and demonstrated that they didn't care one iota about fixing it. As long as their own toilet flushed, why should they care? Hell, they were too busy trying to make sure their kickback was enough from the city contracts that were awarded to their friends in the contracting business to worry about a little problem like their personal sh** being dumped into the River.

2) 1993: Atlanta Airport Bribery Scandal. Seven people, including two City Council members, were convicted of bribery and other illegal acts connected with trying to steer more airport concessionaire business to the bribers'.

3) The Atlanta Olympics/Munson Steed-gate. Bill Campbell and his corrupt cabal of City Hall officials work hard to give Munson Steed as much opportunity to line his pockets with cash while screwing Olympic sponsors and vendors. A multi-million dollar lawsuit against the City and Steed is the result of their efforts.(Click here for the more detailed story)

4) United Water. There are some folks who will lay the blame strictly on United Water, but I don't think so. I think the problem lies with the focus by the City Hall decision-makers (along with Bill Campbell's strong influence) in 1998 to primarily focus on how much minority participation each bidder was willing to commit to the contract, rather than who was most qualified to handle the city water system's privatization. The United Water debacle is just yet another fine example of Mayor Bill Campbell's "hands-on" work-product.

So, in answer to the Mayor's request (though creatively worded...did a Republican consultant help you craft that?), to have the state and federal government bail the City of Atlanta out of it's 25+ some-odd years of administrative neglect, waste, abuse, and corruption by previous mayoral administrations and city council members (some of whom still park their public-trough engorged fat asses in seats on the Council), my vote is not only to say "no," but, I say HELL NO!!!.

As far as I'm concerned, the neglect of Atlanta's sewer system over the past three decades is a direct consequence of a city more intent on voting for irresponsible and corrupt liberals who only give a damn about lining their own pockets and making sure everyone "feels" good, rather than people who would bring responsibility and sensibility to their elected positions.

But, if you folks need cash to re-build the sewer (assuming, of course, that the City could actually achieve such a feat without screwing it up as they've done with so many projects before this), allow me to offer some fundraising options:

1) Call on "The Ted" Turner. He was willing to give a billion to the UN...why not give a billion to the City of Atlanta? After all, if CNN had a meter placed on the mouths of all of its broadcasters over the years, I'm sure we would find that at least 33% of the City's sewage inflow was the methane gas emitted from CNN.

2) Tap the wealth of the multi-millionaires/billionaires who live among you. Knock-on the door of Anne Cox Chambers and ask for a gift. Elton John still has a residence in Buckhead, doesn't he? Heck, just lay a levy on all of the homes in ZIP codes 30318, 30327 and 30342, and you'll raise enough cash. Sure, I know some GOP-owned houses will be hit, but I do know a guy who could help identify only those homes where liberals who voted for the liberals over the past 25 years lived, and wouldn't that truly be the most "FAIR" thing to do?

3) Initiate a program whereby you sell sponsorships of certain sections of the new sewer. I want to sponsor the section that goes right under Vincent Fort's house. I'll make it so every time Fort opens his mouth and screams about how honkeys are to blame for everything in this state, a valve on his drainage system closes and he experiences a little backup into his house...

In short, Atlanta's problem is neither the state's nor the whole country's. It's the City of Atlanta's only, and I'm not your Mack Daddy who will listen to your pleas to bail you out of the trouble into which you flushed yourself.