Please accept with no obligation, implied, inferred, or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally aware, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, animal friendly, and sex neutral celebration of the winter solstice period, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practises of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular convictions, persuasions, and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions here or anywhere else.

Furthermore, may you have an economically successful, personally (or collectively) fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated ('uncomplicated'
for Christian Scientists and Jehovah's Witnesses) recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2003, but not without acknowledging other socially and culturally dissimilar but effective and accepted methods of accounting for 24-hour time periods by other cultures and societies whose contributions to their society, and our society, have made America and the first-, second-, and third-world countries great (but, this is not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or aggregation of people from wherever, or is the only 'AMERICA' in the Western Hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, height, weight, or sexual preference of the wishee.

Should the reward, if any, give rise to personal guilt, whether it is self, politically, or socially induced (depending on the definition of 'is'), please feel free to share with those deemed 'unfortunate' who have made bad choices, including, but not limited to, the educated and undereducated, underemployed, unemployed, and/or minimally employed--until it hurts.

This communication is not meant to be offensive to blacks, browns, greens, whites, Asians, Italians, people who think Elvis is alive, people who think they're Elvis, Elvis, peace-loving islamo-fascists(who can so prove they are peace-loving by not killing any more people), Baptists, Catholics, Mormons, the KKK, Tammy Faye, Phil Donahue, Satanists, white trash, recycled trash, he or she who is politically correct, ugly people, pretty people, homosexuals, heterosexuals, nuns, asexuals, those who have no sex, rabid dogs, dog lovers, rabid dog lovers, rabid lovers, lawyers (I fear I begin to repeat myself), waste management technicians, people who actually feel a tingling sensation when using shampoo on one half of their hair, young people, old people, dead people, democrats, Republicans, Libertarians, anarchists, politicians, girlfriends, boyfriends, the girlfriends/boyfriends of politicians' boyfriends/girlfriends, models, scientists, model scientists, the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker, you and what army, rock groups, anyone who has ever line danced to 'Achy Breaky Heart', Trekkies, nerds, fat surgeons, those who like their toilet paper with the sheets coming over the top, vegetables, minerals, stoics, people who say 'duh' a lot and lose footraces with turtles, like J-Lo and Paula Zahn, intellectuals, those who think they are intellectuals, those
who can't think, men who dress like women, women who dress like men, men who dress like women who dress like men, those who like their toilet paper with the sheets coming from the bottom, Tim Allen from Home Improvement, PBS, the MTV generation, baby boomers, any tribe from North Africa, Asia, and other areas, hookers, lookers, and bookers, fleas, ducks, duckies, mice, mousies, and all the people who make commercials with women smiling about feminine hygiene and itch-prevention products.

Last but not least those who agonise about British spelling and punctuation, SUVs, darter snails, milk, and meat (if animals are not meant to eat, why are they made out of meat?). A moment's silence, please, for those granola groupies who have given their all for their selected cause by fortuitously falling out of a tall tree after slipping out of their Berkenstocks...getting run over by a locomotive while protesting the existence of power plants...smashing a thumb while driving spikes into trees...being burned during campus, industrial, or commercial arson...being disembowelled, dismembered, and eaten while freeing the zoo's big cats, who reportedly said, 'I can't believe I ate the whole thing...got milk?

Let me not overlook a special personal acknowledgement of and to the myopia of the nitwit high school/campus brain trust of fluff collectors and purveyors of propaganda: the many self-esteem (used to be called fool's paradise), affirmative action, diversity, multicultural, alternative lifestyle, feminist, and women's study individuals momentarily occupying a financially rewarding position of sway on today's weenie high school and college campuses. Or the administrators currently serving as thought cops (a one-fingered salute to these lads and lasses).

I, being a gentleman and scholar, will not use the thoughts and language truly at hand--but those I refer to, being neither (male, female, or other), will understand exactly what I mean--one day I trust they all will have to get a real job and reconcile their idiotarian ideas with the world's sociopolitical realities.

Oh, an addendum for those PC campus, industrial, business administrators, bureaucrats, 'journalists', TV and radio news weasels, and actors/actresses who are sufficiently stupid, do not become hysterical and share the hysteria with others--there will not be a test on the above. Why are you still in the United States?

(By accepting this greeting, in whole or in part, you are voluntarily accepting the above-listed terms, conditions, and reservations. This wish, or wishes, as the case may be, is subject to future modification, clarification, or withdrawal. However, it is freely transferable providing there is no alteration to the original wish and the responsibility for its creation, some assembly required, late into the night. The wish or wishes imply no promise by the below-listed (above, on the side, below, depending on your browser) wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself, others, or grab bag collection of political hacks, bureaucratic hangers-on, those who are hard-of-thinking, or avaricious trial lawyers.

This offer is void in Louisiana, New Jersey, and South Dakota and elsewhere prohibited by law or otherwise regulated and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. Special translation services available for the hard-of-reading. Employees and family members excluded. Offer not available to minors.

This wish is warranteed to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of, possibly, one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent period greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to repair, replacement, or refund of this wish, or issuance of a completely new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.)

Warning: This offer may be hazardous to liberals and is not a safe alternative to political cogitation.

Now, don't you just love our politically correct society?