Memorandum #1

To: All of the hysterical and hand-wringing "conservatives"

From: Bill Simon, Editor

Re: Michael Moore's Farneheit 9/11
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Frankly, I have to scratch my head at the display of all of the absurd actions and reactions to this movie by the so-called "Republican Conservatives." None of you have even bothered to see the movie, yet you decide that all of the hoopla surrounding Moore means that this is the "killer-movie" that will spell doom for President Bush.

Don't you realize that you are giving Moore way too much credit with your whining and crying publicly about this? In so doing, you are actually contributing to the vast amount of unearned media that is being generated by your cries and wails of doom. Every time you mention Moore or his movie, you are actually driving-up the name ID of the film, and increasing its market penetration...all things you should wish to avoid accomplishing.

Not only that, it seems to me that a lot of you are expending vast amounts of resources to control free speech. There's no porn in this film. No fake violence. Why the censorship actions by so-called "I'm a Republican who believes in the Constitution" folks?

It just makes no sense at all. You want to beat Moore? You have to do it at his own game, and you have to do it better than he does. I'm not interested in buying and reading ill-named books like what has just come out about Moore (i.e., "Michael Moore Is A Big Fat Stupid White Guy"). Calling someone "fat" is pretty childish AND unbecoming any conservative who claims to be an adult who can reason-out an argument better than a liberal.

Frankly, I intend to go see the film, if for no other reason than I'm looking to be amused and entertained. But, if I run into any conservative morons picketing the theater and yelling at people who go in, I plan to snap photos, take names, and display the idiots in full living color on my Website. You folks need to get a grip!

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Memorandum #2

To: The Gwinnett County Campaigns of Lorraine Greene & Dwight Harrison

From: Bill Simon, Editor

Re: Congratulations on your recent endorsements!
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I think we reported on this before, but, some new info has come to light regarding both of your endorsements from the International Brotherhood of Police ("IBPO").

Turns out that, not only did the IBPO endorse you guys, but they also recently endorsed another major political candidate...John F. Kerry.

So, you two should consider yourselves to be in VERY good company with this endorsement. We are sure the voters in Gwinnett County will be delighted to discover this as well. Cheers!