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The New Living Will...

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Note From PV Editor: We have not been publishing too much lately, mostly due to the fact that, as principled Republicans who are rather aghast at the thrust of the religious-Nazis who mask themselves as "Republicans" (e.g., Tom DeLay, Bill Frist, Ralph Reed, et al.) in our daily lives that we don't quite know where to start. Or, worse, if we did start, we probably wouldn't know where to end.

See, people like DeLay, Reed, et al. have an amazing amount of gall to spend their time preaching to those of the vast unwashed masses how they should lead their lives, all the while making sure they get to stuff their pockets with as much Indian casino proceeds and free trips to Scotland as they possibly can. And, of course, lining their own pockets with campaign cash via distributions to wives, daughters, mistresses, idiotic press secretaries who are too stupid to know when everyone else knows they're lying, etc.

Previously, we referred to these folks (and their non-Christian support-groups like the "Christian Coalition") as being "religious socialists." Boy, were we naive.

In reality, these putzes act more like Nazi thugs when it comes to invading our private lives with THEIR definition of "morality." And, we're not engaging in poetic or hysterical license here. Because, if these buttheads are allowed to continue unfettered in their attempts to force their interpretation of their religion on all Americans, this country WILL become a religious state where people are judged on how firmly they thump their Bible.

So, since we've been remarkably silent on events like the Schiavo Family Drama, we thought we'd share a recent e-mail we received that pretty much sums-up exactly how we feel about the whole debacle between the Schiavos and the United States Congress. Enjoy! Or, grit and grind your teeth, however the case may be.

The New Living Will

I, _________________________ (fill in the blank), being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means; most especially if my "sound mind" has obviously turned to jelly.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of peckerwood politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask for a cold beer, it should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my spouse, children and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

Under no circumstances shall the members of any Legislature enact a special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that these boneheads mind their own damn business, and pay attention instead to the health, education and future of the millions of Americans who aren't in a permanent coma.

Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into this case. I don't care how many fundamentalist votes they're trying to scrounge for their run for the presidency in 2008, it is my wish that they play politics with someone else's life and leave me alone to die in peace.

I couldn't care less if a hundred thousand religious zealots send e-mails to legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don't know these people, and I certainly haven't authorized them to preach and crusade on my behalf. They should mind their own business if they still can as most of their brains have clearly already turned to jelly (a more accurate, if not so nice, term for jelly in this case is s---)

If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and make his or her existence a living hell, this of course is after the $47.93 that they inherited from me is revoked and spread among my more loving descendents.

_______________________________________
Signature

__________________________________
Witness


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